My Plan Going Forward – Part 1

Posted: June 6, 2015 in Personal Stories

I always tell people that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. And yet, here I am planning.

Planning itself is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, conscious planning around major life decisions, or around things that will be very impactful to you or others, is an important part of staying in balance with the world. The problem is unconscious planning.

Unconscious planning is the chaotic maelstrom of thought about the future that runs through our minds on a regular basis, calling up complex, multi-layered ‘what if’ scenarios from every possible direction; many times repeating the same patterns over and over again.

Conscious planning is about stepping out of life for a while, asking yourself some important questions, and then using your intuition to answer them. It is controlled chaos. No, you cannot predict the future, but you can outline a path to follow – something to help keep you moving forward.

You just cannot be attached to your plans. Even conscious planning is going to be riddled with errors; mistakes will be made. But even those errors and mistakes are a part of life – they are meant to teach us things about ourselves along the way. In truth, there is no such thing as an error or mistake.

Setting that mind-numbing fact aside though, we need to think broadly in terms of what it is that we wish to accomplish, consider everything within a specific context, acknowledge that nothing works out quite the way we expect it to, and remain open to variations in the plan as needed.

For my own part this article is tied to my future plans. Having reached a point within my journey where I acknowledge that all I can do is continue to work on myself, and create spaciousness within my experience to help others explore their own selves, I’m rebooting my life – again.

When I set out to live a homeless life, I thought I was following in the footsteps of Jesus and the Buddha because I was supposed to take up the mantle of these two figures. I was lost within the enlightened ego, thinking that I had some divine mission – as ‘the one’; to save the world.

It’s easy to get lost in a place like this when you have no teacher – and so it was a part of my journey. It resulted in giving up my apartment, selling my possessions, and spending two months sleeping on the streets – but I wouldn’t trade it for anything – the experience was necessary.

When you open your consciousness up as much as I did, as rapidly as I did, and as deeply as I did, it can consume you. Yes, I’ve been guided by the hand of God on my journey – led by synchronicities that are undeniably real, but they are also equally challenging to contend with, sometimes hard to read.

Awakening brings you into the presence of oneness. You can call it consciousness, the universe, God, Allah, or the Cookie Monster for all I care. These are all labels used to try and describe the indescribable – that it is the underlying essence of all things, the source of all things, this is its presence.

Stepping into oneness is an overwhelming sensation – you are converted into a living God. I use this phrasing very carefully though – because you are NOT God. It’s just that this experience, the rushing sensation of complete unity, it makes you FEEL like you are God – like you are the presence.

And therein lies an aspect of duality – on one hand you are the presence and on the other you aren’t. So you are God and you are not. You are not God, but rather you are an aspect of his radiance. Think of God like being the sun, and you are a ray of light shining outward into the universe.

When you see this connection for yourself, you think you are the sun. You may even begin to think that you are the son. As in my case, this is the enlightened ego – and it requires more guidance from God to let this go. For me, it took God teaching me what failure truly looks like – and how to fail with grace.

Perhaps you have a teacher that helps you avoid some of these types of traps – and all I can say is amen to you and to your teacher. I’ve been awakened for 8 months now and this journey has been a roller-coaster ride – God guides me, but it is not an easy path – indeed this is the hard road.

So now I am asking myself what my life can be now that I’ve stripped away the layer of identity that says ‘you are here to save the world’. I can’t save the world – all I can do is save myself and help those who want to be helped as they cross my path – all of us being synchronicities for one another.

Continued in part II…


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